A Spark of Hope
by steffy2106
Summary: This story will be my take of Episode IX. Spoiler for both the force awakens and the Last Jedi. Reaching the top might not have been everything it was meant to be and when a new threat threaten to take down both the barely existing resistance and the First Order- Alliances will be necessary. Slow Burn Reylo. Rated T for now - maybe M later.
1. Chapter 1

**A.N:** Hey guys!

I have seen the last Jedi now and I can't believe my Reylo is on the way of becoming cannon! This story will be my take of Episode IX of course I own nothing but I might try to use the force to get reviews...please?

Steffy2106

 **Chapter 1**

"You've let your personal interests get in the way of the mission once again!" Hux shouted as he walked, uninvited, into Kylo Ren's quarters.

Kylo turned, slowly, trying to keep his face blank at the obvious affront. Hux's face was red with rage and Kylo recalled the satisfying moment when he had seen the life escape his body.

"We had them – in the palm of our hands just like we did on Crait. Our intel said that medical speeder was going to the outer rim. It was for the rebellion! We could have followed it to get their location." Hux pointed an accusing finger toward Kylo. "A handful of rebel scum ready to be squashed and end the rebellion and you chose to concentrate on your own interest once more and destroy the ship. You're just a child with a temper!"

Kylo stared down to the angry man and forced him to his knees using the force, wanting to humiliate as much as his words were meant to humiliate him. Kylo was humiliated most of all by the fact Hux was not wrong – at least not completely. He had wanted to let the past die – burn it to the ground and yet he had fallen for his uncle's trick. Something that had been tormenting him since last months' battle.

Kylo closed his fist tighter resting it against his thigh causing Hux's cheek to connect with the cold black marble in a floor bow.

"Do not forget who you are talking to General Hux." Kylo spun the man on the floor, pushing his fist harder against his thigh as Hux's face smashed even harder against the floor causing him to release a satisfying yelp of pain. "I could end your life so easily." Kylo tightened his fist a little more to crush Hux's windpipe, tempted to just execute his threat and end the General once and for all.

Hux let out a noise which seemed to be a mix between a scream of pain and an attempt to acquiesce.

Kylo relaxed his hand suddenly and walked back to his seat, leaving Hux panting on the floor.

Hux stood up on wobbly legs, trying to give himself as much composure as possible by pulling his uniform into place with sharp moves.

"Aren't you going to thank me for sparing your life?" Kylo taunted, steepling his fingers under his chin.

Hux pressed his lips in a thin line, anger boiling under the surface. "Of course, Supreme Leader, I am thankful for your leniency. I believe you misunderstood the reason for my outburst and I realize retrospectively that my words were disrespectful."

Kylo leaned back in his chair, gesturing for Hux to continue. He was not a child anymore, he had learned from the past – from his mistakes and the mistakes he had seen unravel in front of him. The mistake Supreme Leader Snoke had made when he underestimated him. Kylo would not make the same mistake. He knew Hux would kill him the first chance he got to become the Leader of the First Order.

"The First Order has lost a lot during this last fight. We have lost our Supreme Leader Snoke." Hux rested his fist on his chest as a sign of respect forthe deceased. "The troops are somehow shaken up by the sudden change in Leadership, any failure or further changes might cause a disruption so big that I fear the army we lead might desert us. I fear that, as immense as your powers are, there would not be much left if you were left without an army."

Kylo nodded, not missing the barely veiled threat in the statement. Hux brought the men to him – He had looked into Hux's mind before, trying to find the ammunition to destroy him and he had seen what Gallius Rax told him " _You will lead these children. They will serve you. And one day soon your father will pass down his teachings to you, and you will learn to do what he did. It will be your life's work to take children like these savages and hammer their malleable minds into whatever shape you so require. They will be tools built for the work at hand. This is my gift to you, boy. One day your father will die. One day soon, I fear. And you will take his place"._

Kylo reluctantly admitted that without Hux he didn't have an army and without an army… He reluctantly concentrated on Hux again. No matter how much he hated him, he needed him – They needed each other.

"They fear me – Just as you should" Kylo pointed out more to himself than to Hux's benefit.

Hux held his hands behind his back and walked toward the back wall to the enormous window facing the void of the Galaxy. "The circumstances of the Supreme Leader's death spread among the men."

Kylo walked to Hux and stood beside him silently.

"There is some fear that we would be bested. How did just an untrained girl managed to overpower you?"

Kylo shrugged. "Sheer Luck."

Hux let out a humourless laugh. "Once maybe – But she defeated you three times and killed our Leader – This looks much more like a pattern to me. How could this have happened? You never really said."

Kylo glowered at Hux who kept his head straight. Maybe killing Hux would not be such an issue, he was just one cog in the works of a larger plan, he was much more trouble than he was worth. "You're dismissed."

Hux bowed ever so slightly before leaving Kylo alone still facing the window.

Once he heard the door close his shoulder sagged as he rested his hand on the cold glass. He closed his eyes trying to reach for Rey – He had felt her a few weeks earlier, he felt a desperation mirroring his own.

 _Rey?_ He tried to send and met only silence. Had the bond faded? Did she find a way to block it? He slammed his fist against the glass with a scream of frustration.

"They will die, they will all die and you –" He shook his head. Nobody would betray him again, nobody would even fail him again. He would not allow it and if it meant burning the world to the ground then so be it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A.N:** Hey guys!

Thank you so much for the Reylo love! Thank you for the reviews they are really motivating me. I hope you will enjoy chapter 2.

Steffy2106

 **Chapter 2:**

"The First Order destroyed one of the medical speeders."

Rey saw Poe tense ever so slightly before he turned from the Galaxy map to concentrate on the young pilot.

"You said one… Where is the other one?"

The young man shuffled on his feet uncomfortably under the scrutinising eyes of the highest in the chain of command. "It landed an hour ago unscathed, the four doctors are already at work."

Poe nodded rubbing his stubble. "Maybe start with that next time, we need all the positive we can get." He jested but Rey didn't miss the earnest need of good news. Resistance was built on hope and they needed hope now more than ever.

Rey quickly looked toward Leia Organa's empty seat – A seat that Poe refused to use even when the General gave it to him before leaving.

Rey felt pain when recalling Leia's departure. She had been the beacon of hope for so many people and now, they were alone, her and Poe in charge of a barely standing resistance. Luke's death had affected Leia on a physiological level. She has started to weaken since that day on Crait, the injuries from the explosion coming back slowly. They had tried to look through the Jedi books but most of them were hard to understand. The only thing that could possibly explain it was the break of both the force bond Leia and Luke shared and their twin connection. Luke most likely helped her get back to the ship when the control deck had exploded using the power of the twin bond, allowing her to use his strength. This is mostly conjecture based on what could be understood from the remaining Jedi books, hopefully one day, we will know the truth for sure.

"You two are the legacy." She had murmured with a tired smile as they placed her into the incubator pod which should put her into a deep sleep, in the hope that she would regenerate. She had squeezed Poe's hand. "I'm leaving you in charge Commander Dameron I have faith in you. I know you have now learnt from your mistakes." She concentrated on Rey. "Commander Dameron could you please leave us for a minute?" She had asked gesturing Rey forward.

Once Poe left, Leia rested her warm soft hand on Rey's cheek. It was such a motherly gesture, so tender and full of love, she choked on the lump forming in her throat. She was about to lose Leia, the mother figure she had always craved, and she was fading away. The wave of despair that engulfed her at that moment was so powerful she could almost feel it, as if the link with Kylo had reopened and he was here with her. It had lasted mere seconds, but enough to remind her that it had all been real.

"I saw him." Rey whispered, looked down somehow feeling guilty for not revealing the whole truth, the bond. She had tried to convince herself that she didn't say anything because it had been one of Snoke's trick, just a temporary link between them but they were still force-bond after his death.

"I know you have and I'm sorry." Leia shook her head, her face tight with pain and sorrow. "Accepting the loss of my son took longer than it should have but I can't keep denying it anymore."

Rey shook her head, grabbing the soft hand resting on her cheek. "No, I'm not talking about Kylo. Ben, I saw Ben." She admitted somehow relieved to say that to someone. "It's there," she tapped her fingers against her chest, where her heart was. "It's almost hidden but there anyways. He…he saved me and he didn't shoot when you were in the ship he – he couldn't." She didn't add that he had been so angered at the fact that his mother remained a weakness.

Leia studied Rey for a few seconds and she would have loved to know what Leia was thinking.

"A force bond." Leia whispered, incredulity in her eyes. "This, this is what I was predicted – you are the light who will bring him back. Rey, you have to be careful my girl. Master Ell had said that 'A bond between two living beings is not something easily broken. It not a choice… it is like breaking a feeling. Like turning away from the Force. To break a bond, your feelings would have to change, or one of you would have to die—but even then, the bond wouldn't go away, it would simply… it would simply be empty, a wound.'" She stroked Rey's cheek. "You are both bound to save each other it is a self-preservation. Ben – be his anchor."

Rey shook her head, willing the painful memory away.

 _Rey?_ She frowned at the voice of Ben in the back of her mind. Her memories were really starting to mess with her head.

She looked down at the map before her as Poe was going over some new strategy to recruit more sympathisers.

She studied the vessels, both Resistance and First Order trying to concentrate on what was left to do. The red symbols were so much more present than the blue. No matter Poe words, The Resistance needed more than hope- it needed a miracle.

In the two months since they lost the battle on Crait and Leia assumed a comatose state, even with Maz help the Resistance army and weapons were building slowly…too slowly.

Poe assigned missions down the chain of command and dismissed the meeting.

Rey stood to go see Finn but Poe stopped her grabbing her hand. "Can I have a word?"

Rey disengaged her hand and looked around, noticing they were the two only remaining in the room. She concentrated on Poe who sat heavily, running his hands down his face.

Rey noticed the dark circles under his eyes. "How long it has been since you slept?" She sat across from him.

"What month is it?" He forced a smile.

She sighed running her finger down the map. "How bad is the situation?"

Poe looked at her scratching his stubble once more as he was doing every time he was undecisive. He took a deep breath. "Quite bad – Since the Republic has been destroyed the financing is low – We can barely rebuild a third of our fleet, as for sympathisers," He shook his head. "the ones joining us are sparse and most of them need extensive training."

"Can I help?" Rey asked still trying to figure out why Poe asked her to stay behind.

"You're already helping. You are the great Jedi who defeated Snoke and left the First Order in shambles, you are the only reason we still get help. Now would be such a perfect time to strike." Poe slammed his fist on the table in frustration.

Rey felt a surge of shame at the untruths in his statement. She didn't know why she never managed to tell anyone about her link to Kylo Ren or who he truly was, Ben Solo. She had never admitted that she had not been the one to kill Snoke even if she knew that admitting it would probably cause Kylo Ren's demise. How could she admit and explain that they had fought side by side in perfect synchronicity? How could she explain that they had protected and saved each other when she was pretty sure that neither of them knew why they did it? It was too late to come clean now, anything she would say would sound like a lie.

"I will go see Maz Kanata, ask her to arrange meetings with rich members of the Galaxy. I will convince them to fund us. I can…." _I can lie and make them believe I am just as good as they think I am_.

Poe shook his head. "It is too dangerous. The First Order is looking for us everywhere – The bounty on your head is astronomical. There are many First Order sympathisers on Takodana, we can't lose you Rey, that would be the final nail in the Resistance coffin."

Rey brushed her hand on the map. "Look at the map Poe – I am not an expert but there is easily twenty First Order Ships for one of ours – how many are we now? 100? 150? They are in the thousands. I want to hope but Poe, that final nail is already in place…It only depends on how fast we can remove it before it is hammered home."

Poe looked down at the map, running his hands over his face. "Okay…but you're not going alone. I'll give you a team and you go for two days maximum, not negotiable."

Rey nodded, not sure that two days would be enough, but she was happy to be able to do something, anything to ease the pain and guilt. The pain to have lost almost everything that mattered to her and the guilt of her lies, of her attachment to….to a man that might have been just a figment of her imagination, a trick. She feared that there was now a weakness in her, a weakness that neither the resistance or herself could afford.

 _Ben please…_ She begged mentally in a feeble attempt to make her vision for the future a reality.


	3. Chapter 3

**A.N:** Hey all!

I hope you will enjoy this chapter…Last chapter only got a few reviews and I wonder if you are enjoying it. Anyways let me know what you think *using force to convince readers* Aloso thank you Edy for reading this chapter and advise me on some changes.

Steffy2106

 **Chapter 3:**

"Takodana?" Finn half shouted after Rey told him the plan. Rey nodded. "Takodana?" He repeated turning to Poe who shrugged dismissively. "Seriously?" He looked from one to the other. "Am I the only one to see how stupid and suicidal this plan is?"

Rey knew how dangerous this mission could be and if there was any other way she would have done it, but they needed funds, they needed backers, they needed weapons, they needed to make a deal with the devil. Over time, we all commit acts with intentions, either good or bad, that require forgiveness and Rey knew she would need to seek that forgiveness.

She also didn't miss the look Finn directed to Rose, who was gnawing at her thumb nail with clear nervousness.

"You don't have to come Finn." Rey soothed. "You can stay, I understand why you'd want to stay." She looked at Rose again. "You have a reason to stay."

"No, I-" Finn looked at Rose again. "I want to come." He stood straighter in a clear attempt to show his certainty.

Poe clapped in on the back. "I knew you would buddy." He turned to Rey. "How many people do you need?"

Rey couldn't help but throw another guilty look toward Rose. She never liked the idea to endanger Finn but now it was worse, now he had find a reason to stay. She took a deep breath. "Limited team, there is no point to jeopardize the team anymore than necessary. Finn Chewie and I in the millennium falcon."

Finn winced. "The Millennium Falcon is probably the most hated ship in the galaxy Rey. I know how much this vessel means to you – To all of us but it is making us even more of a target."

Rey turned to Poe, not able to deny Finn statement. "There is the Outrider…" He trailed off

"The Outrider? Dash Rendar ship?" Rey knew of the story of the smuggler, always a step below Han Solo, also trying but never succeeding to be half as good as the legend. A pang of pain shot through her as she was reminded of his death to Kylo's hands. "How did you get it?"

"It was a present from a junk lord from Taris, they still hold a strong allegiance to the Republic even if it has been destroyed. Sadly, they are quite poor themselves and their help, even if welcome, is still limited."

"That ship…It has to be a pile of garbage now." Rey noted as she tried to remember how long it has been since Rendar had disappeared.

"I remember you saying the same thing about the Falcon." Finn bumped her shoulder with her in an attempt the lighten the mood.

"The mechanics checked it and even if it is not prime, it has commands similar to the Falcon and for just a trip from Voss to Takodana. It will be fine. Beggars can't be choosers"

Rey nodded adjusting the lightsabre on her belt. "Perfect, I will go train – let me know when Maz has organize the meeting." She took a deep breath. "And Finn if you-"

Finn raised his hand to stop her. "I'm coming and its final." He turned briskly and walked away before she had the chance to finish her thought.

* * *

It took Maz less than two days to organise the meeting with a very short notice of six hours to meet.

When Rey joined Chewie in the Outrider command she noticed Finn and Rose standing in a corner, she was clearly worried, and Finn rested his hands on her shoulder in a soothing gesture.

Chewie growled with exasperation, reaching for his com.

"No don't." Rey rested her hand on his arm. "Just give them a minute, they deserve it."

Finn gave Rose a chaste kiss before turning toward the ship and noticing Rey and Chewie looking his way. He bided his goodbye and left a blushing Rose by the Bay door.

"You could have called me." Finn complained breathlessly as he closed the door and Rey started the Outrider before entering the coordinates provided by Maz in the console.

"Why for?" She asked as the ship left the base. "We had some time left."

Chewie roared, and Rey rolled her eyes. "Yes, why not you go check the engine."

Finn took the empty seat as soon as Chewie left it.

He scratched his neck. "You know…Rose, it's-"

"She is perfect for you Finn. I'm so happy for you." She marvelled, meeting his eyes to show him she meant every word. "She is lovely, kind, brave – She is everything for you, she is what you deserve." Rey reached out and squeezed his hand. "I want my brother happy and I see she makes you happy."

"I care for her very deeply." He admitted with a shy smile.

Rey felt a pang of jealousy. It has not been the blossoming relationship between Finn and Rose that made her heart squeeze painfully in her chest. It has been the tender gesture of Finn adjusting the blanket on her. A gesture which was not requested, it was instinct. It was just a subconscious act of tenderness, something that Rey had never received, something she didn't realized she craved until she witnessed it.

 _You're nothing but not to me_. She heard Ben in her head. These words affected her more than she thought she would. She knew it was only mind game, but she was still shaken, she wanted to mean something for someone – even if it was the Supreme Leader of the Supreme Order.

They landed as the sun started to set on a hidden landing strip in the forest and met Maz who gestured to them to follow her.

"I've managed to get some of the best we can find, they don't know they are about to meet the emblem of the Rebellion." She added quickly looking at Rey.

"I'm the emblem of the Rebellion?" Rey asked following Maz down a humid and musty tunnel.

"Of course, dear, you killed Snoke and his guards."

Rey looked away under Maz scrutinizing eyes. "Who came?" She asked maybe a bit too abruptly, too desperate to change the subject. "We have a Surgi, as you know Surgis are the best arm dealers in the Galaxy and they have no alliance both to the Republic or the First order – Money is their religion."

"But we don't have money!" Finn whispered urgently.

Maz swatted his comment with a hand gesture. "Technicality my boy…technicality. We have Gundark and his gang of arm dealers– we also have a representative of Coruscant and Muunilinst which we know are the richest planets."

"That's it?"

Maz turned and faced Finn, clearly offended by the comment. "It? Do you even know how hard it was to get these people into the same room? Do you even understand the different they can make to your cause?!"

Rey glared at Finn before smiling at Maz. "We're sorry Maz, we don't mean that, and we are grateful for your help."

Maz grumbled something under her breath apparently still annoyed by Finn comment.

"No seriously I understand why you did that – less people, less risk of leaks to the First Order. And it might be easier to try to convince."

Rey stood straighter as she walked in the room, trying to give herself more composure.

She saw the surprise in a couple of faces and resignation in others.

As decided she started to present the elements they had discussed with Poe, the numbers – the hope, the weakening of the First Order since Snoke died, the consequences of letting the First Order win and the reward that would be provided for such support if the Rebellion won.

The Surgi sighed and leaned back in his chair. "No offence Jedi Girl but I am not in a business of charity. Your odds of winning are almost inexistent which I don't really care about, but dead don't pay… Once you pay, you get what you want."

"Odds?" Rey leaned down, resting her hands on the table. "We were less than 100 and escape the mighty feared First Order. What were the odds?"

"That's also another issue." The tall caramel skinned woman representing Coruscant stated pointing to Rey and Finn. "The Resistance has been almost smothered."

Rey shook her head. "Our number quadrupled in the last two months." She didn't need to specify that they only went from 50 to only 200. "I-"

Suddenly everything went quietly, a deafening pressing silence and she realized with horror what was happening.

"No" she whispered turning around to look at a frantic and pacing Kylo.

He finally saw her and took a couple of steps toward her. "Thanks Maker! Rey listen you have to leave now." He panted with urgency. "They are coming, they will kill you. Go now!"

She skewed her eyes with distrust, before shaking her head. He just wanted to know where she was to send his men to kill her.

"Doubt me whenever you like but you have to leave Takodana now. We have new Stealth ships, they go undetected – They might already be there. Don't let my betrayal be for nothing." He pointed away. "Rey Go!" He roared making her wince.

"Rey?" Finn shook her, breaking the connection.

Rey turned to him blinking. "The First order…We have to go they are on their way to kill us."

"Impossible" one of the arms dealer got a radar of his jacket.

She shook her head. _Please Ben don't betray me again._ "No, they are stealth ships, new ones." She turned to Maz who was looking at her as if she was a jigsaw needing to be solved.

Maz nodded gesturing them to follow her out. As they ran to the ship Maz ran beside Rey.

"You share a force bond with him." She asked but it didn't sound like a question.

Rey nodded.

"You didn't kill Snoke." Maz whispered once more as they reached the ship.

Rey looked away and shook her head.

Maz gripped her hand before she got into the ship. "You go sweet girl but remember, your feelings are not shameful – You saw the boy, the young man with his father heart and his mother sense of Justice. Justice, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Some see an innocent victim. Others will see evil incarnate getting exactly what's deserved. You both think you're fighting for what's right. I told you one day that someone could come back to you with your help and it might very well be Ben Solo but child you can't keep this secret much longer."

Rey smiled with relief at the absence of judgement.

When they arrived back on the base in Voss, Finn was waiting for them a beaming smile on his face.

Rey frowned in confusion. The meeting had been cut short, she didn't convince anyone and yet…

Poe pulled Rey into a hug. "We did it! I don't know how you did it but damn it is done! I just received a message from Maz. Coruscant decided to back us up with 30 million credits! 30 million!" He shook his head. "The endorsement will of course remain secret, but" He beamed. "The tide is turning!" He turned toward Finn who was holding Rose against him. "They will also provide us with some soldiers, the number is still to be determined."

"Why?" Finn asked curiously. "I mean no offense to Rey, but we can't say we were stellar."

Poe shrugged, "she didn't say, and it doesn't matter." He looked at Rey. "Rey, while Finn and Rose go over the ship, could you please follow me to my office to discuss the funds?"

Rey nodded as her heart started to hammer in her chest. She knew she was not going to like whatever as going to be discussed in his office.

As soon as he closed the door, he leaned against it. "I'm going to talk, and I just want you to listen. Coruscant decided to back us up because they think we have an edge, a spy high in the First Order." Poe chuckled, shaking his head dismissively. "I confirmed we had but we both know we barely have enough men to make it here – leave alone spare a spy." He took a few steps toward her. "When I asked how they guessed, they told me about the warming you gave them about the Stealth ships which landed mere minutes after your departures. Ships with General Hux and over 30 stormtroopers. They believed you were warned by the com in your ear – but there is no com, no spy so Rey let me ask you, how did you do it? "

Rey shook her head, no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn't share the bond with Poe or anyone yet. They didn't know the force – They might think it was a danger, a liability when it wasn't, at least not really. Kylo or Ben she wasn't sure anymore had just saved her, he just betrayed his own people and she wanted to know why – she had to know why. "The Force." She replied.

"The Force?" Poe frowned with confusion. "How did the Force do that?"

Rey shrugged, adjusting the leather cuff on her wrist to give herself something to do under the eyes of her friend. She never so shamelessly lied to someone she cared for and trusted, but she had to. How could he understand something that even she couldn't when she was the one experiencing everything? She understood now the reason of a necessary evil…a lie but she swore to herself to tell the truth as soon as possible. "I have been warned by the Force. How I cannot say."

Poe detailed her for a few seconds before relaxing, seemingly accepting her words. "Maybe the Force is trying to tip the scale." He smiled. "It is good Rey- so good."

Rey smiled, "Yes." She looked down at her dirty tunic. "Well I will go refresh."

Poe sat behind his desk. "Yes, go and rest you deserve it. Could you please send me Finn if you see him in the way of your quarters? – unless he is too busy with Rose."

Rey chuckled, pleased to concentrate on something other than Ben for a minute. "I will do my best."

"Ben why?" She whispered as she entered the privacy of her quarters. "Why save me?" She closed her eyes trying to connect with him, it was the first time she was trying but the only thing she found was profound loneliness.


	4. Chapter 4

**A.n:** Hey guys!

I hope you will like it! Please review and give my Kylo some love! Also thank you to SeaSaltstarfish for proofreading.

Steffy2106

 **Chapter 4 : **

Kylo was sitting at his desk with his datapad looking over the orders Hux wanted to execute. He had to be careful with everything he signed off on. Hux had the irritating habit of drowning the important orders in the middle of the most irrelevant ones such as food orders or fuel replenishment.

It was such a waste of his time – Being the Supreme Leader conferred him with all the power and yet he felt shackled. He sighed, approving an umpteenth order about uniforms.

Kylo growled with exasperation before standing up so fast that his chair fell backward. He was the Supreme Leader, he didn't have the will to deal with such frivolity!

He had appreciated it at first, keeping his mind occupied even with trivial tasks. With Snoke's death his mind was now free, and he didn't realise how much Snoke was in his mind, forcing thoughts in his head. Somehow now being alone in his mind was opening doors, taking his thoughts to places he didn't want to go.

He shook his head trying to concentrate on the documents in front of him.

Kylo rolled his eyes to yet another allocation of the resources…soap, detergent. He frowned when he noticed in the middle of the all these insignificant details the allocation of more than 200 Stormtroopers to Muunilinst.

He quickly closed the never ending list of documents to look at the military map of the First Order. He scanned the map, the planets at war or strategic planets they needed to get on their side..by choice or force.. but Muunilinst was not on the list.

Suspicion filled him, why would have Hux allocated 200 stormtroopers to a place where they were not needed? Had he already started his betrayal plan to overthrow him? Kylo balled his hands in shaky fists. No matter how much he needed Hux, he couldn't give him the slightest chance to do this. He already gave too much already.

Kylo rose sharply, deciding to go confront Hux before the other man could get a chance to find a convincing excuse. If he executed Hux, after proving his betrayal, the army would stay and most of his problems would be resolved.

Kylo stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Captain Tanner standing in the control room. Hux should have been there – Hux was always there, monitoring, spying, probably trying to find anything that would peg Kylo as a traitor. Perhaps what happened in the Throne room was exactly what he needed.

"Where is General Hux?"

The captain turned briskly and paled. Kylo narrowed his eyes, something was clearly brewing, something he had not been privy to.

"I- Supreme Leader." The man bowed in submission. "You were not expected so early."

Kylo anger increased and he could feel the muscles of his jaw twitch under the pressure of his teeth grinding. The man was brazenly ignoring Kylo's request. Any act of defiance meant death and yet... Kylo's nostrils flared in anger, Hux was right – Kylo might have the power but Hux had the loyalty.

"Again, where is General Hux?" Kylo barked.

The man quickly glanced at the scanner. "I – ummm- He is gone, Sir."

"Gone? Gone. Where." Hux was never going away from the _Finalizer_. Kylo took a step toward the man, leaning over him in a threatening gesture.

The man paled even more, looking around fruitlessly, clearly trying to buy some time.

 _Damn his loyalty ran deep_. He dared disrespect Kylo twice in the name of Hux. Kylo was somehow impressed with such commitment, not that he would ever admit it to anyone.

The man started to turn red and cough as Kylo used the force to crush his throat. "If you want to live another day, Captain Tanner, I would advise you to answer me in the next 5 seconds."

The man grabbed his throat in an instinctive attempt to stop what was choking him. He let out some strangled sounds in an attempt to talk.

Kylo let go of some of the pressure, just enough to let the man talk, but enough to be still be uncomfortable. "Talk now."

"We have been informed that the scavenger girl was going to a secret meeting on Takodana. General Hux left with 30 troopers to stop them – dead or alive - for the murder of our Supreme Leader Snoke."

Kylo let go of the man, letting him fall heavily on the floor. An icy feeling of dread settled in the centre of his chest. What surprised him the most was the nature of such dread. He was not worried that Hux could catch Rey alive and have her reveal the truth. No, he was terrified that Hux would kill her.

This revelation shook him much more than he thought it would. He had told his uncle he would destroy her. He was so sure he could destroy her after she betrayed him in the throne room. She had left him to die and yet…

"Send General Hux to see me as soon as he is done." Kylo enunciated slowly, barely managing to keep his voice from breaking.

He turned around and walked back to his quarters as fast as he could without attracting attention. He had to warn her, to help her flee. He was not ready for her to die, not now, not today. He needed to know what this bond was all about before it was destroyed – What if killing her killed him too? At least it was the rationale he tried to convince himself of.

Kylo sat in his meditation room, where everything from the darkness of the room to the special stones on the wall were created to enhance and strengthen his connection to the Dark side of the Force.

He closed his eyes. _Come on Rey – Rey listen to me it's urgent – Rey_. He concentrated as much as he could, more than he ever did before, as beads of sweat started to form on both his forehead and upper lip due to the mental exertion. He felt it, the now familiar and eerie pull and push of the Force as he reached for her.

The link was still there, subdued yes but still there. He could feel it sometimes – like a low intensity electrical wave in is head, buzzing softly, reminding him every once in a while that he was not completely alone. Not in the invasive way Snoke had controlled his thoughts but in a much more soothing way.

He closed his eyes tighter, using all his remaining strength in a desperate attempt to connect with her. His head started to throb as the force he projected kept on reaching further and further but nothing was grasping it.

Kylo jumped up, letting out a scream of frustration. Did that stupid girl find a way to shield herself from the bond?! Kylo ran a shaky hand through his hair as a wave of jealousy mixed with his anger and frustration. That girl, barely trained, and yet she had bested him at every turn. Did she now manage to succeed in something that he was so manifestly failing? Could she control the bond?

He started to pace the room, the pounding headache clouding his vision. He shouldn't feel so concerned, he had tried to save her! Maybe the Force decided it was time for the Light to be smothered and – Suddenly his whole world went quiet, as if he was locked in a soundproof room.

He swirled around and met her surprised eyes, a surprise which almost immediately morphed in anger.

Kylo couldn't help but think that she was even more beautiful when she was looking so fierce with anger. He shook his head and quickly dismissed this traitorous thought.

"Thanks Maker! Rey listen you have to leave now." He panted with urgency. "They are coming, they will kill you. Go now!"

She frowned, her eyes narrowing with suspicion.

He growled. _How dare she doubt him? She had been the one to betray him – not the other way around!_

"Doubt me whenever you like, but you have to leave Takodana now. We have new Stealth ships, they go undetected – They might already be there. Don't let my betrayal be for nothing." He pointed to his door. "Rey! Go!" He roared.

Finally, he saw resignation and a touch of alarm in her face and he couldn't contain his sigh of relief. She finally believed him, now he only hoped it wasn't too late. He opened his mouth to tell her to hurry, but he saw her sag as if someone was shaking her and the connection was gone, just as fast as it came.

He looked around his now empty meditation room as the weight of urgency dropped, leaving him far more exhausted as he expected to be.

He sat down on the floor, resting his back against the wall, his elbows on his bent knees. He took a deep breath, trying to give himself the much-needed composure he needed to have when Hux would come meet him. No matter what the outcome on Takodana would be, he had to remain impassive. He sighed, closing his eyes, leaning his weary head back.

He had noticed Hux looking at him, with a mix of suspicion and disgust when he thought Kylo was not looking. He knew Hux would pick up on anything remotely showing weakness, uncertainty or even pain, and it was in days like these that he missed his mask more than anything. His mask had been his shield and now he was bare.

At the thought of Hux succeeding and killing her, he felt a stab of pain in a part of himself that until recently he had thought that he had killed a long time ago, a part that had resurfaced a few months ago when he had been unable to kill his mother. A part that had screamed for revenge when the other tie fighter did what Kylo had been too weak to do. A tie fighter that Kylo destroyed in rage after his mother's death.

He needed to occupy his mind, do something – anything to stop thinking about the girl and how he felt about any of it.

He turned on the communication system attached to his belt. "Send me TR3402 or FT6329 in the training room." He ordered before changing in his sparing clothes and taking the direction of the training room.

There were a handful of stormtroopers who he had ensured had been trained even more intensely than the others in various hand to hand combat technique – It was a fantastic way for him to relieve some of the pressure and today it was a need.

He barely had the time to beat FT6329 twice than he was advised by Captain Tanner that Hux and his men were about to land in the Finalizer.

"Have him meet me in my quarters with a full report in 15 minutes."

Kylo had just finished his shower when Hux entered his quarters. His face was tensed, his step unsure and he didn't shout bloody murder for being summoned – All of these were proofs that he had failed.

The weight in Kylo's chest eased as he settled in his chair.

"You wanted to see me?" Hux asked, reluctantly bowing to Kylo.

Kylo nodded stapling his fingers under his chin. "Yes, I have been dying to hear how successful you've been on your secret mission to destroy the scavenger. So…Where is the body?" Kylo asked taunting.

Hux's face turned crimson with anger. "She escaped with seconds to spare – Somebody must have told her!"

Kylo didn't miss the accusation in his voice. "Oh? And who would have done something like that, uh? Me? You imagine I gave her a call and as we discussed the weather I informed her of your plan?"

Hux remained silent, his lips pursed so tightly they looked white.

"I didn't even know about this mission, which by the way required my approval, as with anything else. You can't just go out and do what you like without informing me first."

"Supreme Leader Snoke trusted my judgement!" Hux barked.

"And look where it got him!" Kylo sneered.

"This is not on me!" Hux pointed at Kylo. Kylo realised that Hux knew, or at least suspected that it was he, not the girl who had slain their leader, but without proofs he couldn't act.

Kylo raised his hand in dismissal. "Don't blame your failures on me. It's pathetic, Armitage."

Hux gasped in outrage at being called by his birth name but remained silent. His hands formed into tight fists. "You wanted to see me before all of this – why?"

"You've dispatched 200 stormtroopers on Muunilinst why?"

"Why?"

"Yes, why?" Kylo circled his desk to stand closer to Hux, trying to use the Force to get a better feel on him.

"How is that even important?" Hux frowned with what seemed to be genuine confusion. "The allocation of resources has never been of your concern."

"And yet you are drowning me in them."

Hux sighed. "How do you think we're getting all of this?" He gestured around. "We need money, funds, benefactors – call them as you will." The condescension in his tone almost pushed Kylo to murder. "And in exchange of the money, We provide them with support. In this case Trekdar, the mining lord, needed help to contain the uprising in the mines. We are this help."

This was a side of the war Kylo had never seen before – a side he didn't think he had ever wanted to see.

Kylo nodded sharply, dismissing Hux once more with a gesture of finality.

He sat on his coat with an heavy sigh. The scavenger…Rey was still alive. He still had a chance. He growled resting his head in his hands. _A chance of what you stupid fool? You're a murderous Snake to her – A monster. She will never see the mistake of her choices._

 _Ben...why…Why save me?_ Her voice was a faint murmur in his head, and he wasn't sure if it was real or his imagination.

"Ben, why did you save me? "

Kylo looked up startled. She was there standing in front of him – her eyes reflecting a fondness that hurt him much more than any insult could have.

He cared, he hated to admit it but he cared for her in ways that he couldn't really explain. When they touched hands, he had felt all of her-a loneliness mirroring his, conflicts, confusion and above all an intrinsic desire to belong somewhere, anywhere. He knew her in ways he had never known anybody and no matter how much he knew that caring was not to his advantage, he couldn't help it. He couldn't help this small yet powerful part of him which kept whispering to him. _They could heal each other They could belong somewhere, together, if only she was reasonable enough to see that her path wasn't the right one._

"Meet me." He blurted out surprising them both.

"What?" She asked jerking back. "Why?"

He nodded, he hadn't realized how much he needed to see her again in person but the fact she hadn't dismissed his words straight away somehow comforted him in his resolve. He shrugged dismissively. "Why not? Just you and me – neutral ground." He tried to keep his voice impassive, not to expose his desperation to be in her actual presence.

She needed to see that nobody could ever understand her the way he could, the way she wanted. He knew his feelings were a liability, he knew that he had taken a considerate risk when he warned her on Takodana but he didn't regret it. ' _You have too much of your father heart in you'_ Snoke once told him and maybe it was true, maybe he felt more than he should. But he had no master now. He could follow his own path. Who was to say what he should or shouldn't do? Feel or not feel?

She crossed her arms in front of her chest and raised her chin.

He tried to stop the small smile tugging at the side of his lips, she was so brave – he couldn't help but admire her – her unwavering resolve that she was making the right choice, the complete absence of doubt. He had tried and failed so many times to do the same thing. He had doubted since his childhood and no matter what side he was on, the doubt never left him.

"Why should I trust you?" She asked challengingly.

The little amusement he had felt before disappeared immediately, replaced by the all too familiar feeling of betrayal. It was the feeling he'd felt when he woke up alone in the throne room, alone and only to find Hux towering over him, a murderous look in his eyes. "Why? Because I have never lied to you. Because, contrary to what you have done to me, I have never shown you betrayal."

"Because _**I**_ betrayed you?!" She gasped with incredulity, offense written all over her face.

He waved his hand dismissively. He didn't feel like arguing right now, they could do that some other time – for now he didn't know how long the force would connect them and he needed to get his answer.

"Technicalities." He replied haughtily. "You have my word that I will come alone and will not harm you – unless provoked."

Rey detailed him, he felt very uncomfortable under such scrutiny but he remained impassive, meeting her hazel eyes with his bottomless dark ones.

Finally, she nodded as if she had found what she had been looking for. "I'll meet you, Ben, and I too will come alone and will not attack unless provoked."

"Where?" He asked this time not able to hide the trepidation from his voice – he had expected her to say no, never he would have thought she could trust him enough to accept.

"Ahch-To" She replied after reflexion.

"When?" He took a step toward her.

Rey looked down. "Tomorrow at the third sun," she whispered, before fading away.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN:** Hello Faithful readers!

Sorry for the delay in posting but work is manic! I hope you will enjoy this chapter as I made it extra long and try to keep it as much in character as possible.

Please leave me a little note to let me know what you think.

Also thanks to Eddie for taking the time to edit this chapter

Steffy2106

 **Chapter 5:**

Rey checked once more, readjusting her belt in front of the communal bathroom mirror. She had changed her mind about 20 times since she had agreed to meet him on Atch'to. Meet 'him'…who was she going to meet there? Kylo Ren or Ben Solo? One of them she liked, she cared for – the other, she wished nothing more than a painful death. It was hard for her to reconcile both personae in the same body.

The only problem was that, where before she could have just struck him, killed him on sight, she had now seen and experienced his doubt, pain, conflict and loneliness. He was not the one dimensional monster anymore and she was scared that if it ever came to it, a choice between him or herself, she would hesitate, a hesitation that could cost her life.

She rolled her eyes – exiting the bathroom before changing her mind yet again. _Don't be such a fool – If he wanted you dead, the only thing he would have to do is stop saving your life_. Saving her life – Somehow it seemed to be the key to something, an answer to a question she was yet to be asked.

She had chosen Atch'to for many reasons. Firstly, on the days which Luke had spent ignoring her, she had familiarized herself with the island quite well – If the need arose she would be able to hide. Secondly, she was attuned to the island, she had tapped into its power and she knew that if there was faceoff between her and Ben – Kylo she would have the upper hand.

She walked briskly, head down in the common building, if she pretended to be a woman on a mission they would leave her alone. She planned to board the small ship she had repaired and hide there just in case she would need to leave the planet incognito. The plan was a success until she reached the door to the junkyard park.

"Are you okay?" Asked Rose crawling out of a panel in the floor, grease smeared on her forehead.

"Me?" Rey looked around. "Yes sure." She squeaked.

Rose stood, her eyes narrowing ever so slightly at Rey's answer. "What are you doing?"

Rey wanted to kick herself, her voice had been way too high pitched – Rose was not an idiot. "You've got some grease there." Rey wiped her own forehead, hoping to side-track the conversation.

Rose reached for a tissue in her orange overall technician uniform to wipe the grease. "Thank you."

Rey shrugged dismissively, the situation with Rose was a bit awkward and it has been since they met. Finn used to have a silly infatuation on Rey which Rose was not unfamiliar with. This infatuation was now gone, and Finn was clearly smitten with Rose, but the strong feelings of mutual love and care remained between him and Rey were not helping the situation.

"My mother used to say that there is a fine line between the best decisions and the worst mistakes. Which one are you running toward?"

Rey looked at Rose, she was strong and determined and yet she felt like she had to protect her, she had this innocence - an innocence which needed to be protected if only just for Finn.

"I am not sure yet." She admitted even if part of her knew it might have been the worst mistake. "But I need to go and I would appreciate if it could stay between us."

Rose's eyes narrowed in suspicions. "Are you deserting us?"

Rey shook her head. "I'm only trying to save us, all of us and if I say anything, Finn would want to come. I can pretty much guarantee my safety during this mission, but I would not be able to guarantee his." Rey knew it was a cheap shot, but Finn was Rose's weakness. Love tended to do that to you. _Don't think like that_ she chastised herself – _you're starting to sound like Kylo Ren_. "I'll be back Rose I promise."

"If anything happens to you- He will never forgive me." She added with a small voice. "You're his family."

"As he is mine. Rose look at me." Rey stood straighter. "Look at me, see if I'm lying. I will be fine, it is nothing dangerous, but it has to be done."

Rose studied her for a minute, which seemed like an eternity to Rey who was trying not to fidget. One push of the red button from Rose and everything would be lost.

Rose finally sighed, her shoulder sagging. "Don't make me regret it Rey, please." She took a step back. "I will cover for you."

Rey would have hugged her, but she was running out of time, she was going to be late and she was not sure how Kylo …or Ben would react at being stood up.

* * *

Rey surprisingly arrived first She landed close enough to where she would be waiting for Ben It was close enough to the caves in case she needed to hide. She was unsure of which personae she would be meeting with.

She built a fire for him to be able to find her. _A beacon to the dark side_ she thought with a humourless laugh. She sat down, warming herself but she didn't have the time to think much longer as a tie fighter landed on the other side of the Island, probably just as wary as she was.

The more she waited for him to appear through the forest, the more her hands felt sweaty and her heart rate increased- She was not sure if it was apprehension or anticipation at seeing him and she was not sure she really wanted to know.

"You came." He stated with some reverence as soon as he walked out of the trees.

She nodded, studying him. He was dressed as he had been when she met him on the Finalizer. Black pants and long sleeve shirt, high black boots – nothing unusual until she stopped on his ungloved hands. This was so rare, she had only seen his hands once in the hut. She studied him once again and now noticed, the missing cape, he was dressed plainly. He was not the supreme leader in this moment he was just a man.

She smiled at the thought, as her fear was eased. "Of course, I did Ben."

She saw his face soften at the name before the cool mask of indifference settled on his face once more. "I'm not particularly fond of that name, I would appreciate if you could refrain from using it." He advised coldly taking a seat across the fire.

She shrugged poking the fire with a wood stick. "It's too bad because I like that name. You're Ben to me, I can't think of any other name when I look at you."

He looked at her in silence, rubbing circles with his thumb and forefinger. "A name is just a name." he insisted.

"So you won't have a problem if I keep using it" she challenged.

He grumbled something under his breath which sounded a lot like- you're always doing what you want. "You did come alone."

"Of course I did. I'm not the one breaking promises and killing people - I'm one of the good guys remember." She said in an attempt to raise his temper. Ben had a tendency to appear when he was losing control and she was betting that, no matter how risky a bet it was.

Instead of getting angry, Ben stood up and turned toward the dark water. "You are so high and mighty, a curse of youth I guess – Wars have casualties on both side, don't fool yourself thinking your hands are not covered in blood. It's easy to see your enemy as evil but there's good and evil on both sides of every war ever fought Rey."

"We are not murderers!" Rey snapped, her hands balled into fists, the tables turned. "We never ordered the murder of a village full of innocents."

He snorted, shaking his head. "You've barely lived the war, you joined this cause for a sense of belonging, for a purpose. These people were anything but innocent and ask your friend the pilot about the Solaris base… Ask him if and when you are ready to see the truth."

"Tell me the truth." She challenged him leaning toward him.

His haughty expression somehow fell, giving place to a sadness she couldn't comprehend. "The truth…" His voice was leaking the weariness she could see in the tilt of his head, the hunch of his shoulders. "Truth is a battle of perception Rey. People can only see what they're prepared to confront." He thought about how he had been convinced that killing Han Solo would tilt the balance, finally smothering the remaining light in him, a light that was destroying him. And yet killing Han only broke him more, made him weaker and he kept feeling this light, these insufferable feelings slipping through the cracks. "It is not what you look at that matters, it's what you see and when different perceptions battle against one another-" He shrugged dismissively. "The truth has a way of getting lost."

Rey could feel his turmoil, his pain at being so conflicted, his anger at Snoke's abuse and betrayal – it was like being punched and she wanted it to stop as much for him as for herself. She stood up and extended her hand, mirroring his stance in the throne room. "We could make it – you can still be forgiven." Or at least she hoped so. "If we tell them what happened, how you saved me, why you turned."

Kylo looked at her hand, surprised himself by the overwhelming desire he had to take it and never feel alone again. She knew him, he knew her – they shared something so unique. He had seen her by his side, it had not been a lie, but he had also seen some glimpses of what she had seen, him redeemed – by her side. In this vision she had been looking at him with so much pride and tenderness – A look he would have given anything to get when he was younger but now it was too late, he had sacrificed all – even more than he had, to become what he was. Turning back now would be a waste of all the sacrifices, all the pain.

Rey's heart pounded in her chest at the look of longing in his eyes. He was so close to taking her hand – so close she could almost feel his hand in hers. "You know now that Snoke had been using you, he only betrayed you and deceived you. I wouldn't do that, we never did that."

She saw him tense, his eyes harden, and she realized her words had been a mistake.

"You would never do that?" He asked with incredulity as if the words felt foreign. This statement was so wrong he didn't even know where to start. He stood straighter taking a step back. "That's all your side ever did Rey – letting me down, betraying me…you included."

She opened her mouth to deny his accusations. He shook his head, raising his hands, stopping any words from crossing her lips.

"Don't insult me by denying things you know nothing about." He spat and she cursed herself from bringing Kylo Ren back. Ben had been there a few minutes ago, his light had shone through the cracks. She would take all she had said back just for another minute with him and not the cold leader now standing straight in front her – staring at her with eyes devoid of any warmth.

"Are you talking about the absent father who'd rather spend time with pilot students then with a son he couldn't understand? A son that, despite being different, would have done anything to gain his father's attention. Or are you talking about the politician of a mother? Who was way too busy gaining legitimacy that she didn't have the time to focus on something as trivial as a son."

Rey remained quiet, almost motionless when she saw his hands were balled into tight fists, his lips pressed into a hard line, his eyebrows furrowed with his barely contained fury.

"A son who was kept in the dark about his legacy, a son who kept hearing voices in his head telling him he wasn't good enough for them." He turned briskly pining her with his bottomless eyes. "What do you know about that Scavenger?"

Rey winced at the venom in his voice, now wondering if it had not all been a mistake.

"The first moment I trusted her, told her about the voice, about Darth Vader she sent me off to a school I was not welcome at – to an uncle who treated me much too harshly. And you!" He pointed an accusing finger toward her. "You left me for dead!"

Rey jerked away as indignation took over her fear to have him snap.

"I never did that! I would never – "She stopped herself, yes she would have and she did do that when they were on Star Killer base but it was before she knew the truth, before she saw glimpses of Ben Solo – Before the Jedi tree told her to save Ben Solo. "I couldn't do that to you."

"I tried to save you in the throne room I made sure you were okay." She assured him taking a tentative step toward him. "Let me show you, memories don't lie."

"I wouldn't wager on that." He let out a weary sigh and reached for her outreached hand.

As soon as his hand touched hers she let out a sigh of relief, mirroring his. Every touch brought peace, but she didn't know if it was her own feelings or his – And if she was honest, she was somehow scared to find out.

Rey closed her eyes and let the memory of the throne room flood her mind. She didn't know if it was because she was connected to him, but she felt like she was reliving the moment.

 _She had emerged, completely disoriented, a deafening buzzing sound in her ears matching her pounding headache._

 _She looked around, her eyes in narrow slits with the pain. She froze, eyes widening when she saw Ben lying motionless a few meters from her._

 _She grabbed half of the broken lightsabre beside her before crawling to his side._

' _Please don't be dead, please just…don't' she willed mentally as she reached his side. She let out a sigh of relief when she rested her hand on his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. She looked around the room trying to find an escape. She stopped at the small hub by the throne._

 _She stood up wincing at the soreness of her muscles – Now that the adrenaline was coming down she could feel how hard the fight had been._

 _She rushed to the escape pod and assessed it quickly. It was small, clearly made for one person but she was petite and if – She turned toward Ben's massive form. Maybe if she lay on top of him they could both escape. He would be furious, she knew that, but she couldn't just leave him here to face Hux, she had felt the hate between the men, it was too risky._

 _She ran to him again, trying to pull him toward the pod. She tried to pull with the help of the force, but she was too tired, too sore from the face off with the guards and the fight for the lightsabre._

 _She let out a frustrated huff when his body refused to move. Just as she tried again she heard General Hux's voice on the intercom stating that he was going to the throne room with the guards._

" _Ben," she nudged him. "We have to leave please move – "She tried to jerk him awake, but he didn't move._

 _She threw a desperate look toward the pod, if she stayed here they would both be dead – But if she left, he could lie, pin it all on her. She let her eyes wander to his lightsabre, she was now weapon less – she needed to be able to defend herself, but she couldn't leave him defenceless._

" _Just be safe – Please. For Leia, don't die." she begged not sure why as she left, defeated to take the escape pod. She opened it and turned one more time and noticed the other half of the lightsabre lying by Ben's feet. She knew she only had second to spare, but she rushed like a mad woman to take it before settling in the pod and as the pod exited the room she saw the main doors open on Hux…Talk about a close call._

She let go of Ben's hand, sitting back on the log exhausted to have relived the memory.

Ben was now turning his back to her and she wished she could see how he felt, if this memory helped him see she didn't wish him ill.

"Why did you keep it?" He couldn't help but ask when he saw in her mind how she almost got caught trying to retrieve the second half of the lightsabre. He turned around standing rigidly, his hand relaxed by his side.

"Because I want to fix it." She locked eyes with him as he cocked his head to the side. "It's not because it has been broken that it can't be whole again – It might be different after being fixed but it doesn't mean it is worth any less."

He gave her a sardonic half smile. He didn't miss the message in her statement. "You should know better than anyone else that not everything that is broken can be fixed – some things are just broken beyond repair and some – He took a deep unsteady breath. "Some are not worth fixing."

She wanted to tell him that he was worth fixing but she knew that now wasn't the time or place for such a discussion.

"Your memory is flawed anyway." He said sitting on the log closest to her – as if he didn't want more distance than was necessary. "Staying alive for Leia… My m- She is dead." Rey didn't miss the look of anguish that crossed his face. No matter what he said, he had weaknesses and his mother was one of them.

Rey shook her head. "She is not dead."

She saw anger take place in Ben's face, his jaw budging and she knew he was going to accuse her of lying.

"Before you accuse me of lying she survived the attack, she was in bad shape, but she is healing." "he took a deep breath looking down at the fire they had made to keep them warm. "Until Luke died and now she is in a coma, but she is not dead."

When Ben didn't respond she looked up at him and found him frozen, his lips slightly parted an indescribable look in his face.

"You didn't know?" She asked frowning with incredulity. "How could you not know Luke died? Didn't you feel the disturbance in the force?"

"No- I…" What could he say? He felt the switch in the force, but he thought it was him losing her, the bond. He had never thought. "I am with the dark side of the force." He replied rather lamely and even to his own ears his statement lacked convictions.

"How did it go once I left?" She asked him, not sure he would be ready to reveal First Order information.

He shrugged dismissively. "I did pin it on you." He admitted , without remorse.

She smiled. "I didn't expect any less of you." Her statement didn't contain any venom – if anything it contained some good humour.

He rolled his eyes. Where was the anger, the hate he was so used to? He was not sure he liked this version of her, this compassionate, somehow loving version of herself. This was a version that could make him believe, make him hope that there could be more for him than this life and nothing was more dangerous and destructible than hope. "Hux has doubts but he is stupid and if he looks for trouble he will be discarded."

Rey winced at the statement but nodded. "You're safe then."

He snorted. "As safe as I can be."

She sighed looking at the two moons. She had been gone long, longer than expected.

"You've to go." He stated his eyes scrutinizing her face.

She nodded. "They are going to wonder where I am."

"You didn't tell them? Not anyone? Not… _Finn_?" He spat the name as if it was venom.

Rey felt his jealousy without understanding the reason behind it. "They wouldn't understand _." I don't even understand._ She added to herself.

"Can – Can I walk you to your ship?" He asked standing up as well.

Rey studied him, she was not sure if it was due to the fire, but he seemed to have colour on his cheeks. Was he reddening?

She looked down trying to hide her smile as she nodded in agreement.

They walked silently to her ship, she wasn't sure why he had asked but she had not been ready to say goodbye.

When they reached her ship, they turned, facing each other.

She didn't miss the indecision written on his face, did he want to go back with her? She grimaced at the thought of her friends dealing with his return. She would deal with it.

He raised his hand and tentatively brushed her cheekbone with his fingertips, the touch so light that it felt like a feather leaving a trail of fire on her skin. She saw his throat wobble as he swallowed but he didn't say a work as he let his hand fall slowly by his side.

"Next week?" She asked before thinking, her impulse getting the better of her.

He nodded sharply. "Stay safe Rey of Jakku." He replied before turning around briskly to walk back to his ship without another look, even if she could feel longing, except that now she wasn't sure it was his or her own.

 _This is not going to go the way you think!_ Luke had shouted at her.

She shook her head sitting at the controls of her ship. It certainly didn't go the way she thought – None of it. He didn't come back to the light and she still wanted him safe, she still cared she still felt – She growled resting her head against her seat. She didn't know what she felt but she knew that the driving force of her actions had shifted.

 _Please Ben prove them wrong, prove them all wrong_ she begged as she saw his ship lift and disappear at lightspeed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6:**

Kylo landed at the base ready to destroy everything in his path – anything to ease this anger that for once was direct mostly at himself and also toward the stupid insignificant girl who was a thorn in his side – a weakness he couldn't afford.

"Where were you?" Hux asked as soon as Kylo stepped into the main ship.

Kylo froze before turning around slowly, trying his best to keep the smile off his face. Hux was the perfect outlet for his rage, the perfect chew toy. "What did you say?" Kylo asked slowly, giving him the opportunity to backtrack. But he knew he wouldn't, not when a few of Hux's men were within earshot.

Hux flushed ever so slightly before readjusting his waist coat. "You've been gone for hours, alone without informing anyone."

Kylo took a step toward him. "And since when, pray tell, am I to keep you posted on my schedule? Since when have you been named my keeper General Hux? For your sake, I would strongly advise you to remember your place." His voice turned chilly with threat. "You work for me."

Hux turned bright red as he did every time he was offended. "I don't think –"

He didn't have a chance to finish his sentence. Kylo sent his body crashing into the opposite wall.

"Don't forget who has the power General Hux." Kylo enunciated coldly, standing even taller, looking down at the crumpled General on the floor, his face clearly mirroring the disdain he felt for the man. "Your life is depending on it."

Kylo turned around briskly and walked away – keeping his back to Hux to show the men he didn't and never would consider the General a threat. It was a rule to live by, never turn your back to anyone who could hurt you.

 _Hurt you…_ These words were resonating within him. The girl was the most dangerous person in Kylo's life, he never should have turned his back to her – Thinking she was insignificant. He knew she was becoming a liability, she was becoming a choice, something to consider in his decisions.

He still couldn't believe the memory she'd shown him…He needed to research this, the ability to alter memories. Why would she have risked being caught just to make sure he was safe, that he had a fighting chance? Nobody had ever done that before -nobody ever put him first.

He wouldn't have done the same… _Of course, you would have you fool, you knew from the moment she came to you that you would kill for her and you did, you killed your master_.

When she had extended her hand, asking him to go with her - He reached for a glass in his quarters and shattered it against the door. He had never considered going back to the light as much as he had done in that moment, he had looked at her hand as a lifeline. He knew, even if he hated to admit it, that she had become the most important person in his life and it made her a liability, an unknown weapon – Caring was never an advantage.

Kylo was grateful at the soft knock at his door. He opened, surprised to see Major Thymce enter the room briskly, closing the door quickly behind him.

"Is there a problem?" Kylo asked, his muscles coiled with tension.

The man seemed confused. "No sir I- I'm just coming to give you my report."

 _Was it already that late?_ Major Thymce always came to give his reports in the middle of the night shift when the operations were minimal, when there was less risk of him being seen.

How long had he been lost in his thoughts? Long enough to be taken by surprise by the time. Long enough to become a liability.

Kylo shook his head, crossing his arms on his chest. "What do you have for me?"

"General Hux is tempering with the Stormtrooper program – How?" The man pursed his lips in clear frustration. "I am not sure, only few have access to the central system and I am not one of them. All I know is that it seems the numbers don't align. The new class – the TL's counted 278 children in the program and it seems that only 258 have been assigned but when I checked the system ….it said the class was only 258."

"What are you saying?" Kylo asked trying to keep his exasperation in check. It had taken him a lot of time to find an officer high enough who was not completely faithful to Hux and his vision for the First Order. It had taken months of light mind probing to find Thymce. A man who joined not because of his believes but because of his need of money for his family and because of his desire for power – Two things that Kylo could offer him, or at least give him the illusion of offering. Kylo had helped him get his family out of the slime of the grey city, set them in a nice living area with enough food – This had been enough to gain the man's loyalty, and this was all that Kylo needed.

"I am saying that I suspect General Hux is assigning men somewhere else – a place that is not recorded anywhere."

Kylo nodded. He has suspected as much. He had questioned Hux's assignment of men a few days ago, he had a good excuse at the time but Kylo had always suspected what Hux was doing – Building a small side army – an army who will be so controlled by Hux that they would do anything he wanted even if it meant running to their death for him. Hux was planning to stage a coup, that much was clear and as frustrating as it was, Kylo couldn't do anything right now. People feared him, but they were not loyal to him.

 _It is lonely at the top isn't it son? I'm sorry_. He heard a voice in a back of his mind – a voice oddly familiar and yet it was not Han.

"What else?"

"I have spoken with Matt, one of the radar technicians, and he has informed me that General Hux was spending quite a lot of his free time in the control room looking for something."

Kylo leaned back in his chair – He knew what Hux was looking for, the proof that Kylo had betrayed the first order, proof that will alleviate the uncertainty of a coup. If Hux attempted a coup and failed, it would give Kylo the legitimacy to kill him while keeping the First order in line…and how much he would enjoy killing him slowly. Kylo's mouth twisted into a dark smile at the thought of all the suffering he could cause Hux. But if Hux could find the proof of Kylo's betrayal – Nothing would stand in his path to take Kylo's throne from him.

"Thank you Thymce. Keep up the good work." Kylo looked down at his data pad. "I shall provide your family with a little extra as a sign of my gratitude."

When the man exited the room, Kylo decided to go meditate, to try to smother the light that the scavenger had brought back in him – a small amount but enough to weaken him - more than he could afford in this time of contestation.

* * *

Rey was finally drifting off to sleep, it had taken her a while after the adrenaline rush of sneaking out and the lingering guilt of feeling like a traitor to her cause.

She had tossed and turned again in her bed and had only started to drift asleep as the night sky started to lighten.

She was running, no it wasn't her - she was there but not there. It didn't feel like her dream – it didn't even feel like a dream but more like a memory.

She was seeing through someone else's eyes – someone who, based on the height of the furniture, could only be a child.

The child ran in a warehouse full of ships. Rey noticed the millennium falcon – Her heart twisted with pain to the vision of the man's back – That brown leather jacket, he had worn it when she had met him.

"Daddy!" A little boy's voice shouted with excitation and anticipation.

Rey realized she was in young Ben and it was not him dreaming, they were not connected right now, she realized it was a memory, one he unwillingly shared with her.

Ben approached Han and tugged at his jacket. "Dad look what I did!" Rey could feel the pride radiating from Ben.

"In a minute Ben." Han replied, patting Ben's head, not even turning around. "I agree these new student pilots have a lot of potential." He chuckled. "Especially the smart-mouth…Dameron is it? He reminds me a lot of myself."

Ben stood behind his father, patiently looking down at the beautiful patterns he had coloured on a piece of paper. He tried to ignore his father's conversation, but he couldn't help the little pang of pain as his father marvelled at a boy who wasn't him. Maybe that explained a little more the intense disliked that Kylo had harboured for the pilot.

Ben wanted to learn how to fly, he wanted his father to be proud of him, but he was not as good as the others – maybe it was because he didn't enjoy it that much. He would much rather be in his room with his books, but it was something that his father never understood. "Dad look!" Ben insisted rounding his father, standing in front of him.

Han looked down with an imperceptible sigh. He probably didn't even notice it, but it didn't escape Ben and it was like salt on his open wound. "What is it Ben?" He asked looking down at his son.

Ben extended to him the nicely drawn calligraphy patterns that looked like a multi-coloured bird. "Look dad it's for the falcon. I made it with our family!"

Rey looked closer at the drawing through Ben's eyes. The bird was made with the names Leia, Ben, Han, Organa, Skywalker and Solo. All using different calligraphy patterns. It was absolutely beautiful and based on Ben's thoughts she could see it had taken him hours and hours of hard work to create this.

Han took it from his hand and quickly glanced at it. "This is…nice Ben thank you." Han smiled at his son but no matter how much he loved him – Rey was sure of this, she saw it on that bridge when he met his demise. No matter the love, Han hadn't understood Ben and it had hurt them both. "Why don't you go back to your room for now and do some more doodling?"

 _Doodling?!_ Rey was almost more offended than Ben at that moment.

Ben nodded with defeat, but Han rested his hands on his shoulder, crouching down to his level. "I'll come look for you later and we'll go for a flight in the falcon just the two of us what do you say? Father and son. You'll be my co-pilot."

Ben beamed at the thought and nodded eagerly before skipping back to his room. He had thought for a moment that his father had forgotten his birthday, but he hadn't, and he was giving him the best present. Some time, just the two of them.

Ben changed into the flying clothes his mother had bought him and waited on his desk chair for his father to come collect him. As the hours passed, Ben started to realise that his father would never come.

 _They'll never understand you._ He jerked with surprised at the foreign voice in his head. He looked around at his empty room.

He didn't have time to contemplate this voice anymore as he saw his mother's official ship arrive from her mission on Naboo and he knew she was going to go to her office to record whatever had happened there. He moved his bookshelf using the force and laid on the floor to listen through the vent.

"Why were you with these student pilots? Where is Ben?" He heard his mother ask with exasperation. "You promised to spend the day with him."

"He is in his room, doing his drawings…reading his books…What he likes to do."

"What he likes to do is spend his day with his father! Can't you even do that today of all days?"

Han sighed. "Because you were away? Come on the boy likes his own company."

"No because - " She stopped, the room silent for a minute. "Han…Please don't tell me you forgot." Her tone was laced with barely veiled anger.

"I…."

"It's your son's birthday Han! How could you forget?!"

"And you choose that day to go to Naboo? You are just as much too blame as I am."

"It was official business Han, due to….due to my family history it is hard for me to gain the legitimacy I need. I can't choose the senators timetable."

"Oh come on Leia! I know you are important! You never waste an occasion to remind me of this. But the Empire was defeated 10 years ago. We are as close to a Galactic peace as we will ever be. What are you really fighting for?"

"For something like the Empire to never be back." She shouted back.

"He knows we have roles to play – He won't mind."

"He is 7 Han! Of course, he will mind! It's like you never wanted him."

"Leia!" There was offence in his voice. "I have never hidden that he didn't come at the most opportune time, but I love him, and I loved him since the day he was born."

"Why don't you try showing him? Show interest in what he likes?" She had no power to her voice anymore, only a growing weariness. "He is slipping away Han, I can feel it."

"Just-"

"Don't – I will go get him for dinner and please try to make him the centre of your attention for once."

Ben chest ached at what he had heard. He was an accident, he was unwanted – misunderstood. He was trying so hard for his father to be proud of him but-

 _They can never give you what I can give you_. The voice was back and instead of scaring him it felt oddly comforting.

He heard a faint rap at his door, he looked up and even if he had no key he locked it using his mind. "Ben honey come out – I brought you a cake from Naboo, it's your favourite – Blue Fruit."

Ben looked at the door and felt something intense, almost burning him inside out. A feeling that was powerful enough to replace the pain and rejection he felt daily. He didn't have a name for this feeling then but after that he felt it every day…rage.

He closed his eyes and let this feeling invade him, it was making him feel stronger, braver, unstoppable – It was making him feel alive and worthy. An ear-splitting sound forced him to open his eyes and he saw thousands of pieces of glass on the floor. He looked at his shattered windows – He knew he had done that – The force had been so strong with this feeling of anger, with this – he would never feel helpless again.

For the first time in his life, he had lied and told his parents he had no idea how it had happened. And for once, this simply came without a hint of guilt.

Rey jerked up, crushing pain making it hard to breathe. She sat on her cot, her back against the wall, trying to let go of young Ben's feelings. The only explanation she could think of was that, when she had opened her mind to show her memory of the throne room, he had unconsciously shared some of his memories.

She understood what Kylo had told her the first time they met. _And Han Solo... You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you_. She felt it now, his resentments, his pain, his overwhelming loneliness at being so misunderstood and overlooked by the people who were supposed to love him the most.

Rey crossed her legs, trying to see if Ben had shared more memories with her, she was sure that easing the pain, soothing the wounds was the key to bring him back.

It only took her a few seconds to get into another memory.

Ben was looking at himself in the mirror and she couldn't help but smile at the reflection. He couldn't be much more than 7 or 8, his hair was cropped short, making his ears quite disproportionate but where some people might have found that comical, she found it…endearing.

"You can do it – "He whispered to himself in the mirror. "He is wrong, she will understand – she will help."

Snoke – the voice in his head that had been speaking to him for the past 6 months, the voice that appeared on his birthday and never left him. A voice that was more and more present, a voice helping him see how powerful he really was.

 _It is time to fulfil your destiny - Ask your mother – ask her about your heritage – Ask her about Darth Vader._ The voice had almost taunted. _Go ahead, see if you can trust her._

Ben kept repeating to the voice that it was wrong, that whilst his father didn't understand him, his mother loved him unconditionally. She had known that his uncle Luke had been watching him, assessing him, somehow pressing his mother to send him to Jedi School but Ben had made her promise not to. He didn't want to leave home – He didn't want to become a Jedi, a pilot or a politician. Ben wanted to become a scholar and no matter how surprising it had been to his parents – his mom had promised.

He found her in her office – Not that it was surprising, this was where she was most of the time.

"Mom who is Darth Vader?" He had asked sitting across from her.

She paled, dropping her pen in surprise. "What did you say?"

"Darth Vader… Who is he?" He insisted.

She leaned back in her seat, her eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Where did you hear that name?"

This was when Ben should have lied, say he heard people talk about it around the base but he wanted to prove the voice wrong, he wanted to show him that his mother could be trusted that she would never betray him.

"It's the voice – "He stopped, taking a deep shaky breath. "It's the voice in my head – he told me."

His mom had circled her desk and kneeled in front of his chair pulling him into a hug. She had promised him then that everything would be okay….and he had been foolish enough to believe her.

Three days later he had been put, kicking and screaming, into his uncle's ship on his way to Jedi school. It was the day Ben realized that the only person who would never betray him was himself.

Rey opened her eyes, once again exhausted from all the turmoil of feelings she had felt. She hated to admit it, but she'd started to understand the man he had become. It was not nice to realize that on top of liking Ben she now had empathy for his alter ego Kylo Ren. She understood his pain and what scared her the most was her desire to soothe it, to show him that not everybody would let him down.

She had waited for Rose after breakfast.

"Hey Rey!" She smiled. "How did the mission go?" She whispered.

Rey smiled at the conspiratorial tone of the other young woman. It was impossible not to like Rose.

"The mission is going well. Well, talking about the mission – Finn told me you'd made a lot of friends with the locals and that you know where to find practically anything."

She beamed at the compliment. "Pretty much yes." Her smiled widened. "What do you need?"


End file.
